Sex Before Marriage

by Sandra Nwangwu

Dealing with sex and sexuality in a romantic relationship where both partners are of the Christian faith is a subject-matter that is hardly ever addressed wholesomely, but is the elephant in the room.

In this section we will be deailing with:

Your partner wants more
Managing your own sexual desires
Dealing with pre-marital sex
Where are the limits?

There has been much debate on this subject with some denominations advocating that providing the couple are in a long term committed relationship it is OK to have sex in this scenario. However, even though there is pressure from the media and many people have taken the world’s point of view, it is important to establish what the Bible says about this.

If we look at various passages it is clear that as Christians we are encouraged to save sexual relations for marriage. (1 Cor. 7 v 2 Acts 15 v 20 Galatians 5 v 19 and Hebrews 13 v 4). These are the bench marks and it is important that we understand this important subject because it will help us better appreciate what is expected from us. The Bible gives us this high standard for good reasons and these reasons are more for our benefits and protection than anything else. Here are a number of reasons:

1. Sex is essentially marriage. In the Old Testament, we find no records of any marriage ceremony but instead what we find is that couples engaged in sexual relations and were thereafter deemed to be married. When a couple have sex, they literally become one, because there is a merging or a coming together of two different people and this merge without a doubt brings two people closer together and very intimate. In more recent times, we have marriage ceremonies in which a couple make a ‘marriage commitment’ through their vows and promises made to each other, and then they are deemed to be married. But, it is only when such a ‘marriage commitment’ is consummated through sex that it is complete.

2. We need to protect ourselves from having many sexual partners, because we will be in danger of sexually transmitted diseases, finding ourselves pregnant with babies that we are probably not prepared for and using our partner to satisfy our lust, rather that love.

3. As the sexual act is so intimate we leave ourselves open to getting deeply wounded or hurt. Sexual relations normally creates an intimate bond which whenever broken can cause a whole lot of pain and heart ache.

4. As Christians we are called to be different and our lives should show this in the way we respond to keeping our bodies pure, as a living sacrifice for the high calling of being a disciple of our Lord Jesus.

Lastly, be careful not to enter into unnecessary arguments as to whether or not you have made the right choice in deciding to save sex for marriage. Because, the lines of arguments that may be brought forward may sound convincing, resulting in a wrong seed/idea being placed in your mind. Please don’t be worried about whether or not you and your partner will be or are sexually compatible. The truth is that sexuality comes natural and if we love each other as we ought to, we will want to satisfy our partner and will take the time to learn how to do this, which will result in a closer bond and to really enjoy sex in the way that God intended.