Should you date a non Christian?
by Sandra Nwangwu
I have such limited understanding of the way of a man and a maiden, so I’ll let my words be few. Even King Solomon in all his wisdom admitted that it was too great to understand (Proverbs 30: 18-19) and he also stated that love is as strong as death and many waters could not quench love (Songs 8:6-7). So clearly, when two people or one person as the case may be is in love, what we are dealing with a rather strong or powerful emotional attachment.
Do not condemn yourself or anyone else
Firstly, understanding why we grow to love the people we love and how it happens that we develop such deep emotional connections with certain people is something that is shrouded in much complexity. Thus, it may well be futile to go on a mission of trying to understand and explain it all. So when we find ourselves in situations where we truly and sincerely love a person who is either of a different faith or no faith at all as the case maybe, it is often a challenging situation. Sometimes, we put ourselves into such difficult situations due to our own actions or inactions and there are times where we just find ourselves in such situations. Whatever the case may be, be sure not to condemn yourself because God Himself does not condemn you. John 8:1-11, Jesus did not condemn the woman who was caught in the act of adultery. He granted her forgiveness even when she didn’t openly ask for it but it was clear that a person facing imminent painful death would desire mercy. However, the main point is that Jesus did not condemn this woman, so please do not condemn yourself and if you are a righteous third party, please do not condemn another.
What the Bible says and why
But we must recognise the truth that above all, our relationship with God is of utmost priority. And the Bible does not encourage Christians to have close and intimate relationships with non-believers (2 Corinthians 6:14-17). Although, the Bible is more focused on a marriage situation, it can also be extended to include other relationships – close friends, lovers, confidants. It is easier to understand and accept this instruction when we know and see the reason for it. It is important to know firstly that this instruction is designed to protect our interest. Think about it for a moment, we are the ones who have to live day to day with our ‘partners’, so to speak, and share everything with them. Now, if our ‘partners’ see and appreciate life differently from us it becomes harder or at least more complicated to function together as one. Guiding principles and standards amongst others, differ and sometimes they differ in a way that there is no middle ground and agreeing to disagree leaves you nowhere really. Amos 3:3, ‘Can two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?’ Thus, if two people are to become life partners, it is best that they agree on faith – because your faith defines you and how you lead your life and the choices you make. Even partners who agree on faith find it challenging how much more partners who disagree. However, there are still times we find ourselves in situations where our ‘partners’ and us differ in faith.
How to manage such a situations
In situations where the relationship is headed towards marriage, we ought to really tread carefully and keeping our focus on what is of utmost importance - our faith and relationship with God. One way of dealing with such situations is to constantly speak to God about it and honestly tell Him all that it is and ask for help, strength and wisdom. Because whether or not we get to the point where we decide to end the relationship or we decide to continue same, we need God’s help, strength and wisdom. Psalm 20:2, the Psalmist prays for God to send help and strength, while James 1:5 says that if anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault. Thus, we can and should pray for help, strength and wisdom and be sure to receive same from God.
If the relationship is to come to a closure then we need help to be able to end it in the best way possible without crushing either ourselves or our partner, strength to go through with it and move on with life and wisdom as to how best to manage the entire situation. If on the other hand, the relationship is to continue, we equally need help with dealing with the various situations and complications that may come along our way, strength to be able to do what we ought to and wisdom to manage a relationship with a partner who sees life differently from the way you do and maintain a beautiful and strong and intimate relationship with God. In other words, we need God to help us stand and remain in the faith while managing this emotion that the Bible describes as strong as death – love.
