Christian Internet Dating

by Sandra Nwangwu

I am a Christian and I love God sincerely, but I am not getting any younger and I have remained single for a long time. I wish to honour God in any relationship I enter into but I either do not have any emotional attachment to any of the Christians around me or I hardly ever meet another single Christian with whom I connect. Then what? Do I go online and try to meet someone through Christian dating websites or do I just wait? Do I let my friends and or family set me up on ‘blind dates’?

There are different sides to this question or rather line of thought. But firstly, we must establish that the Bible does not categorically address this issue. However, what we do find in the Old Testament are records of parents making recommendation to their children as to who to take for a wife or a husband. Whilst this may stimulate some debate, our focus here is the truth that in the records of the Old Testament, we find stories of recommendations (Isaac and Rebecca, Rachael and Jacob), also stories of two people whose paths just happen to cross (David and Abigail) and stories of people who actively go out of their way to seek and find their partners (Ruth and Boaz).

So having laid the foundation as to what the Bible does record, we can now proceed to work our way through finding answers. In no particular order at all, we would look at a number of stories from the Bible and take relevant pointers.

Firstly, we start with records of parents recommending to their children where to go in order to find their partners. It is important to keep in mind that there is no record of any one being forced into a marriage. We start with the story of how Isaac came to be married to Rebecca. Abraham the father of Isaac charged his servant with the responsibility of finding a partner for his son and in doing so he only recommended a particular family from which a wife should be chosen. He did not specifically name any lady and thus, left the option still open as to who the young lady would be Genesis 24:4. In addition, Rebecca was not forced to go and be married to Isaac, she was actually asked as to whether or not she wished to go – Genesis 24:57 and lastly, the Bible records that Isaac loved Rebecca – Genesis 24:67. Another record is the story of Jacob and Rachael. Here again we find Isaac simply recommending a particular family but he leaves the option open as to who in particular Jacob was to take for a wife (Genesis 28:2). And we find that Genesis 29 records that Jacob did really fancy Rachael when he saw her.
The pointer in these Bible stories is that it is alright for family members and friends to make recommendations or as the case may be set us up with people they believe would be good for us. But, where we do not take a liking to the persons being recommended, we have the choice and freedom to walk away.

We also have the story of Ruth and Boaz (Ruth 2, 3 and 4) which records how Ruth and Boaz meet each other. Boaz extends a hand of kindness and friendliness to Ruth and this lasts for as long as the harvest season and thus, their friendship grows. In the end, Ruth is the one who asks Boaz to marry her and he does accept. Here, Ruth desired to be married again and so she takes the necessary steps and does the ‘asking’, although we see Naomi acting as an adviser in all of this. But ultimately, it is Ruth that takes the bold steps.

The pointer in this story is that a friendship could develop into a romantic relationship and may be marriage and it doesn’t overly matter who asks who out. So we need to ask ourselves the question, what about Christian dating sites, do they take the place of recommendations from parents or friends? Well not exactly, as although they provide a similar function in terms of bringing people together, the difference is that it is the user who is making the contact, without a third party. However, that there are a number of individuals who have used these sites and who have become engaged or married.

A number of people use Christian dating sites becuase the selection in their Church or group of Christian friends who are eligible are few and far between and whilst some people may decide to wait for God to bring someone in their direction, it makes sense to open up other options. However, a word of warning; Not all sites are well policed in terms of the content and the people who use them, so be careful when contacting individuals on these sites, as they may not have told the whole truth, so discernment is needed and some double checking to make sure you are safe.

So in conclusion, going by the various Bible recordings, it is clear that God deals with us differently and uses different means and circumstances in taking care of His children and blessing them with their hearts desires. God knows your heart’s desire and through prayer you need to push the door that you feel is right for you. As long as you do not lean on your own understanding but in all your ways and whatever you do, be sure to acknowledge Him.