When is divorce permissible?

by Sandra Nwangwu

This subject matter is a huge one and is most capable of spurring much heated debates because there are varying opinions and levels of understanding. Having said that, we do reckon with the fact that there are other numerous reasons which could be put forward in order to justify a decision to get a divorce and some of them are indeed valid. Therefore, there are grey areas which make it difficult to decide as to whether or not divorce is permissible. But as Christians, we establish our standards by the principles and standards that are set in the Bible.

In the Bible, we find only two clear acceptable reasons for divorce namely: marital unfaithfulness (Matthew 19:9) and being abandoned (I Corinthians 7:15). These are the only two instances where the Bible expressly allowed for divorce, but the question is: are there others or should there be other reasons? Now, for the sake of structure and focus, we will be dealing with only one other reason for which divorce may or may not be permissible and that is ABUSE.

What does the Bible say about abuse and divorce?
Abuse could be either physical or psychological and it could directly or indirectly affect both spouse and children or just spouse or just children whatever the case may be. Now the Bible is silent on the issue of marital abuse as a reason for divorce, but it is clear that God disapproves and despises the mistreatment of wives by their husbands and inevitably vice versa. We know that God does not stand for abuse on any level because of the high standards He places on how a husband should love his wife. Husbands are instructed to be considerate and treat their wives with respect (I Peter 3:7); husbands are instructed to love their wives and not be harsh with them (Colossians 3:19); husbands are also taught to love their wives as Christ loved the church - to the point of giving themselves up for her (Ephesians 5:25); husbands are taught to love and care for their wives in the same manner as they would love and care for their own bodies (Ephesians 5:28-29). Now without a doubt these are very high standards and more importantly, they clearly indicate that abuse is in no way tolerated by God.

No one should have to live in an abusive environment, whether it involves a spouse, family member, friend, employer, caregiver, or stranger. It is best that we avoid putting ourselves in such awful situations but if we find ourselves in such a position, the first thing to know is that God Himself does not approve of such treatment.

Now, it is clear that Christians who find themselves in abusive marriages desire to get direct answers as to what to do and how go about doing whatever needs to be done. I also recognize the great difficulty there is in providing such answers. But with great caution, what I would say is that the most reasonable thing to do is to pray for strength and courage to be able to deal with such a situation. Because, a person who has suffered or is suffering abuse often lacks the strength and courage to do what needs to be done. A wife who is being abused should get herself, and any children, out of the situation immediately and find a new temporary home. There is nothing in the Bible to indicate that separation (not divorce) in this instance would be wrong. However, we must understand that this is only the first early steps to what may or may not be a long hard road. But if you ask God, He will give you the strength, courage and wisdom you need to best handle such a difficult situation. 

Lastly, it is important to note that where change and reconciliation are both plausible and possible, then it is most worth while to pursue such. However, be careful not to put the chart before the horse, change or at least evident signs of change must be shown before reconciliation is pursued. There is no point in going round the same painful circle again and again.

Helping others who seem to be unable to help themselves
If the case is that we know someone else who is in such a situation and she is unable to help herself or unable to pick up the courage she needs to save herself, then firstly we must not condemn or get tired of trying to help such a person. As the Bible repeatedly instructs us to not be tired of doing good, but as we have the opportunity let us do good (Galatians 6:9-10 and II Thessalonians 3:19).
Instead what the Bible requires of us is to be there as both a helper and an encourager to one who is unable to help herself. Certainly we are not called to be able to solve everyone’s problems or fix every situation, but we are called to love and care for one another. We ought to sincerely pray and speak kindly to such people. In addition, we ought to reassure such persons of our love and support and more so mean what ever we say or promise to such people. Also to the best of our abilities and as much as is humanly possible, be a source of encouragement and help.